She Wasn't Asking For It!

Not wanting to sound like a prude, but I do see a little sense into not flashing all of your body every day in front of people. Not because I think it is wrong, or that women should be covered, but because (SADLY), we live in a country where today, half of the rape cases never even see the light of the day. The rape victims undergo so much torture, add to that the insensitivity of the media, the local police and the general public!

But really, is the victim always to blame?

8 day old baby raped by 18 year old father.

Doesn't this make you mad? SHE WAS EIGHT DAYS OLD, EIGHT!!!

Did she ask for this? Thankfully, this took place in the United States, and the person guilty, David, is being charged of rape and second degree battery. I hope he does get what he deserves!

Was she asking for it????!

Closer to home, Man rapes a 18-month old baby.

At this age, children are supposed to be playing, carefree, enjoying their childhood, and this poor girl was raped! The police arrested the accused, but think of the girl. It is said that when children are raped, because of their young age and their growing bodies, they can sustain a lot of internal injuries. Her parents live in slums, it is not like they would be able to provide her with high facilities for recuperation. I don't know why people do this :( She's a baby!!

Oh God, reading this, doesn't this make you cry?

It makes me genuinely value my childhood. That *touches wood* , nothing like this happened to me.

I agree that now-a-days, a lot of females dress like nobody's watching but if we really are to call ourselves a progressive nations, this is one of the things that we have to deal with!

 

But the police cannot use this point against us. They are employed to serve us and to ensure justice prevails. If I am raped, irrespective of my sexual history, clothing sense and occupation, I deserve to be heard and attended to. I deserve my culprits being caught. I deserve them being punished. 

NO ONE DESERVES IT!

How sick?!

Girls need to be educated from early on, because as we all know, there really is no limit to the atrocities by some mad men. No one is spared and no one can be trusted.

Fathers rape their daughters, relatives rape the females, teachers rape and molest the students.. so in the end, the parents, the teachers, they need to teach the boys and girls (boys get raped too), about proper and improper touch. Everyone should be educated regarding what is appropriate and what is not.

My brother's friend has a sister who is studying in first grade. So she must be around 6-7 years old. One day, she came and tells her brother about this one boy in her class. The boy was rubbing his hand on her back and he told her, if you let me touch you, I'll give you my pencil and chocolates.

=O WHAT IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE?

When I came to know of this, my jaw literally dropped to the floor. We are talking about 6-7 year olds here! This was when we just used to care about playing and making friends and cartoons.

One of the major changes we need in schools is : counselling. All schools are supposed to have a residential or a visiting counselor and I'm sure most of them do, on paper. Sometimes people are scared to come forward, of being judged, they go into the whole "why me? I only must've done something wrong." but if a professional helps them, at the initial stages, it can prevent the shame and stigma that the victims may carry for years.

In India, people are still very hush-hush about learning disorders, about mental retardation, and of course, about sexual abuse and rape.

We need to understand that bad things happen. But it is on us, our parents and our family to help us and bring us up. If I am depressed, someone can alert the teacher, or message my mother. If you notice your friend avoiding meals, throwing up after eating the smallest of things, approach some authority, it could be a fatal eating disorder!

Anorexia, Dyslexia, Depression, Bulimia, Cutting, Being molested or raped, being physically abused can batter your soul. But there are people who can help you. People who have dedicated their lives so they can help correct lives, help you get back on track. If you have problems approaching your parents, contact some 3rd party, a professional might just be able to help you out!

Coming back to the topic on hand, RAPE IS NEVER THE VICTIM'S FAULT!

Even if she is wearing short clothes, that does not mean she is asking for it. If your mind churns out thoughts that way, then you need to see a psychologist.

Rome was not built in a day..Or is it a night? =S

Overnight, the whole mindset of people and society can not change. But we can try altering things, little by little. This series of posts is my drop into the ocean.

Tell your friends, talk to your younger siblings, talk to your parents, even if you explain it to one person, that can create a big difference. So do your bit!

This was my #4 and final post for the Stayfree Advanced 'Time To Change' contest hosted on IndiBlogger.

(You can read #1 here, #2 here and #3 here.)

-Blahblaholic x

It's all about the money.. NEWS FLASH : It's not!

Imagine you are raped. You are sexually abused. You are forced to bed a person, against your will. Your world is obviously shattered. You go to the police. But what do they say behind your back? THAT YOU ASKED FOR IT!

Tehelka recently conducted a string operation in Delhi, spoke to more than 30 senior police officials in the Delhi region. 

[Delhi is the capital of India. It is also known as one of the least safe cities, no offence meant :( I've found amazing female friends who stay there,though. :)]

Although this sting operation just exposed the policemen of Delhi, we all need to stop this Mumbai v/s Delhi and all this. In the end, you get raped, I get raped, it does not matter which city we live in!

So, these police officers, they had the freakin' nerve to say things like :

• SHE ASKED FOR IT.
• IT IS CONSENSUAL MOST OF THE TIME.
• SHE MUST BE FRIENDS WITH ATLEAST ONE OF THE RAPISTS

I don't think any female will "ASK" for rape. That is just plain bullshit conjecture. Rape is not consensual. It is called 'rape' for a reason. Even if a husband forces his wife to bed him without her consent, it still is rape!

And if she knows one of the rapists, isn't that worse? That means someone close to her took advantage of her. That would hurt her so much more. It's not like she would go up to any person and tell them rape me!

A month ago, a female from Noida, was raped and the policemen there who are horrible *insert every abuse here* , they disclosed her identity! She's a teenager for God's sake! Imagine your younger sister, your daughter, she is raped, and then, to add salt to her and your wounds, her identity goes public. How would you feel?

Then began the character assassinations and the mud slinging for which we all are so famous for. Women need to learn how to dress, how to talk,how to act to not get raped because after all it's our fault we get raped right? NO!

She had to leave her school obviously. God knows how much suffering she had to undergo. And her name wasn't the only thing disclosed, they even publicly stated her address. How can you do such a thing??! 

[You can read about it here.]

Not so long ago, in Gurgaon, due to the increasing rape cases, the Police stated that no woman should work or be outside beyond 8pm. If she was, she herself would be at blame for any consequences that followed. This is their reply to a gang rape. A 23 year old was gang raped and this is what we do? Put a curfew on the women? I see a little sense to it, it could be like a temporary solution, for a few days till the culprits are caught maybe. It is a remedy, not a cure!

[Read about it here.]

Sunil Kumar - "In these places, you'll find girls who want to do it (get raped) for Rs,1000. They will drink and also have sex with you. The day somebody uses force,it becomes rape."
That is the whole point no? I can have sex with how many people I want to. But when I am forced, it is rape, OBVIOUSLY!

Sub-Inspector Arjun Singh - "If girls don't stay withing their boundaries, if they don't wear appropriate clothes,then naturally there is attraction. This attraction makes men aggressive, prompting them to just do it."

We are called human beings for a reason,yeah? How can you justify rape as a man's aggressive nature? I may be attracted to dozens of people. I can't just force myself on them. These kind of sentences make men believe they can just force any girl to have sex with them just because they find her attractive. What the hell?

Sub-Inspector Malik- "The girl's mother is divorced. She's living with another man of the Yadav community. She's 48 whereas the man is 28. It's inevitable the two daughters will be wayward, isn't it? Now when 2 young girls watch their 48 year old mother sleeping with a 28 year old man, even they'll be aroused. Sex is like hunger."

I don't even words for this. I mean, how atrocious can someone be? Oh God!

And these are the so called protectors of the society. Jeez! -_-

17 out of the 30 police men were convinced that the rapes are rarely genuine. They said they are just ways to make money. Some went as far as saying that when females don't get enough money from their parents, they turn to this and use it as a 'lucrative business'.

[Read more about the whole Tehelka sting operation here.]

This whole mind set needs to change. If the police work itself claims such atrocious things, then whom do the victims turn to? Who will protect them? 

Rape isn't a joke. It can ruin lives. People suicide, they go into depression, half of them are blamed, because their being raped causes troubles for their siblings' marriage proposals and all.

It is high time, atleast our generation, we learn that this isn't something to be toyed with. Rape is one big stigma on our society but the victim is NOT at blame.

Stay safe, don't travel after dark and learn a few self defense techniques, atleast till our police force mans up to the task of catching the rapists and putting them behind the bars!

 

This is my #3 post for the Stayfree Advanced 'Time To Change' contest hosted on IndiBlogger.

(You can read #1 post here & #2 post here.)

-Blahblaholic x

Educate a man, and he can earn a proper living. Educate a woman,and she educates the family!

Marathi, which is the official language of my state, Maharashtra became a part of my school syllabus as the 3rd language in 5th. Around 7th standard, we had this chapter which basically said that you educate a man, he can earn his livelihood and provide for his family but when you educate a woman, she educates the whole family.

In Biology or just plain Science, haven't we learnt one thing which, if everybody knew, could just help shut ignorant idiots up?

The mother always supplies an 'X' chromosome.

The father supplies either the 'X' or the 'Y' chromosome. It is not his choice or at will :/ 

The sperm cell (male) determines the sex of the child. 

If it contains an 'X' chromosome, the zygote will be 'XX' = female.

If it contains a 'Y' chromosome,  the zygote will be 'XY' = male.

So many serials, real life stories, we hear about the women being insulted and abused and called names because they have given birth only to female babies. HOW IS IT HER FAULT?

I haven't grown up in an abused or extremely radical and patriarchal environment, so I cannot just proclaim that this is unfair and that all women who are abused should go to the police or something.

But what I CAN do is ask you all, the readers to know this and hold on it.

I know it isn't some startling new discovery, nor is it something that can totally transform all our lives, but who knows when, someday this information will help you, help someone. :)

Schools should impart knowledge regarding this issue, tell all the female students to know this, to know that when they give birth, they should feel proud, not be made to feel ashamed about the gender of the baby!

And the male students, they should understand the working, so when they grow up, they do not commit atrocious and disturbing crimes like infanticide and female foeticide. 

"A man strangled his wife after she bore him a third child that was not a son."

I can try and understand the whole point to having a son. I mean, he'd be there even after marriage (if he chooses to) and could/would support you till you last breath.

But how does this in any way mean that you ruthlessly kill your wives/your sisters/females just for the beautiful and divine act of giving birth, just because of the baby's gender?

How dare you kill the child growing in her womb because you find out it's a girl?

What wrong has that poor soul done? 

"The United Nations say that an estimated 2,000 unborn girls are illegally aborted every day in India." 

Writing/Talking/Reading about this is not enough. We need to know what is right, what our basic human rights are and we need to impart this to our children, or need be, even our elders!

This is my #2 post for the Stayfree Advanced contest hosted on IndiBlogger. 

(You can read the #1 post here.)

- Blahblaholic x

Shame On Us!

Abuse. 5 letters. Just 5 letters that can tear apart somebody, 5 letters that can break somebody down. 
What is abuse? Is it restricted to beatings and punches and kicks?

Verbal abuse is defined as : a negative defining statement told to you or about you. If the abuser doesn't immediately apologize and rarely indulges in a defining statement, the relationship is said to be a verbally abusive one.


Few days ago, a friend of mine shared this article on Twitter : I Single The Body Electric

It is a story of a married woman, who is abused physically, verbally, emotionally and mentally by her husband.

What kind of a world are we living in?

Here is one more example : This Article.

How dare that man even victimize himself? Marital discipline? Teachers and parents are told not to hit kids even, because it may affect them deeply and scar them... And you hit your own wife branding it discipline??

In India, we already have so many social evils such as dowry and female foetcide which affect the female/wife. Add to that, abusive husbands. They hit them, burn them, rape them.. Oh wait, technically it's not rape coz they're married. WHAT THE HELL? Rape is rape. You bed her against her force, and I call it rape. Just because she is your wife doesn't mean you own her!

 

Some women like her don't even realize that they're being abused until they realize that this is not normal. This is not what happens to everyone. This is evil.

You don't only hurt them physically but you break them down. Why is this happening to me? Is it because I am worthless? Unlovable? Victims are afraid to come forward because in our patriarchal society, majority of such cases never see the light because the victims are pressured by their families or blackmailed by their spouse.

When or if I become a mother, I'll teach my kid what is right, and what isn't. That he or she is always welcome to tell me if something is off. That coming clean or asking for help is not pathetic, but does take courage. That I am going to be here for them always irrespective of what happens. That I will not succumb to the society's method of speaking filth about the girls who have been abused or raped.

The onus is on our generation to change. To change our mindset, change the way we perceive such situations, change the way we always need the society's approval. 

"WE NEED TO BE THE CHANGE WE SEE"

"He took my spirit, he took my soul. I had a lot of life. I had a big heart, I trusted everybody. I loved life and now I don't. I'm bitter. I'm hurt, scared, burned. I'm frustrated and tired of being afraid."

Can you and I even imagine what kind of trouble and torture these women have gone through? 

There are so many stories where you come to know that these men are really charming and loving, but under the influence of alcohol or because of some unfortunate event, they resort to violence and who except their wives/girlfriends/kids are easy targets?

Abuse is abuse ; be it verbal, physical or emotional. If you are in an abusive relationship, speak out, contact your nearest center. Google for your nearest helplines and make yourself heard. It is NOT your fault, you are NOT to blame. The person who did this to you, he/she is a sick person. 

If you see or hear or come to know of somebody being abused in your family or locality, do not keep in mind the prestige or the image, consult with your elders and if no option remains, call the nearest helpline or visit the police station.

BE THE VOICE!

This post is a part of the Time To Change contest sponsored by Stayfree Advanced hosted by IndiBlogger.

- Blahblaholic x