Tuesday, March 6

Tainted Innocence

Author's Note : Before reading, just keep in mind I'm a 16 year old. Of course it's not an excuse for bad writing but this is my first attempt at such a topic. Cut me some slack, thoda sa. :)


She sits tall, taking down notes diligently. She's been the talk of the staff room since ages. And why wouldn't she? A small town girl, she came out of practically nowhere, but her impact - let's just say it was too strong to be ignored!
Almost everyone knew her story. She belonged to the nearby town which had more of a village-y feel to it, her parents had a small plot of land on which they grew enough only to survive. She had been spotted at her school farewell ceremony by the present principal who'd reluctantly attended the function as the guest of honor, and awarded a full scholarship.
The bell rang and she walked out. It was the 15th of the month. She called her parents on the outdated Nokia phone she'd managed to buy them. After a few rings, they picked up. 
She said that yes she was fine, the job was going great and she would send the money soon.
She changed into her work clothes, tied up her hair, grabbed her purse and left.
Later that night, she stood at the door, freed her luscious hazel hair and gently undid her robe. She made her way to the bed and purred seductively at the man lying down beside her.


The man bit her lips drawing blood while she whimpered and left after throwing a bundle of notes at her.
She lay still, tears streaming down her face. All of 18, she had almost perfected the art. She tried to console herself... Who would be ready to employ an 18 year old with no qualification or background while a hundred better prospects stood in front of them? Another year here and she would atleast have a better chance at a job, even if it was just at the local library or McDonald. Just another year she whispered,  one more year and I'll find a better job. One which doesn't leave with me feeling empty and violated.


Images Obtained with tons of help and suggestions from @OhMyKohli , @SugarsnSpice , @EkCupCoffee , @Desdemonaous and @InbuiltSinner. Thanks a lot guys <3

Wish y'all a great week ahead.
- Blahblaholic x


noirheroine.tumblr.com

56 comments:

  1. From your writing, nobody would have guessed your age.
    It make the readers feel the pain the protagonist is going through...and leaves us thinking. Well written. Keep blogging.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you so much! That was my intention, trying to let her pain show.
      Thanks. :)

      Delete
  2. You're a talented writer, mate! Keep up the good work and trials as well :D

    ReplyDelete
  3. Replies
    1. Young lady, YOU ARE LOVED. :D
      Thanks a lot!
      x

      Delete
  4. wow the sudden revelation was surprising. and you write well!

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  5. No need for slack cutting. Most sixteen years olds I know can't write like this even if their life depended on it. Keep at it:)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hahahaha. Coming from you, means a lot.
      Thanks! x

      Delete
  6. A 16yr old writing this way! True beauty. You brought out the emotions pretty well. And awesomely narrated.

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  7. You don't need excuses.its awesome as always kiddo.liked it.keep writing!<3.

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  8. very beautiful and poignant...loved the way you handled the storyline...keep writing!

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  9. aw.. for a 16 year old, this is brilliant. you have a great future ahead yaar! congratulations buddy!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That is really very sweet! Thank youu! ^.^

      Delete
  10. Nirati you're AWESOME <3

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  11. Awesome. Amazing if it's the first attempt to write upon sch topics. KUDOS.

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  12. Save it, keep it somewhere safe, go back later and add more or take out some or do whatever you feel needs to be done to it... it doesn't matter. Keep going with it. Much like the last piece you shared with us all, I see great potential. You are full of ideas! I want to know more...I want to know what happens with this girl, I want to know what makes her stop doing whatever it is she's doing, does she get sick? Does she get raped? Does she meet someone special...who shows her there's another way? Does her parents ever find out? So many questions...Congratulations, you've left your readers wanting more... Rough around the edges? WTH? Fix it later! You're only 16...there's always time to go back and fix it later.. Good luck to you!! XOXO!!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Woah! Thank you so much Crystal, for taking out time to comment and for these kind words.
      x

      Delete
  13. I think you did a good job. For a 16 year old, I commend your work. Reading this reminded me of the movie "laaga chunari mein daag" .. :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I have't really seen the movie so I wouldn't really know.
      Thank you so much! x

      Delete
  14. Hi. This is my 1st visit to your page and by the looks of it, certainly not the last.
    Oh and btw, this post was pretty well-woven. Wordings were used cleverly. One minor criticism, I would like to make (just a minor one...so, don't raise those eyebrows :P), is that you could have let her dark secret got revealed at the very end. I mean an element of unpredictability would have just made us say 'Aww'

    PS- Also, come to my blog some day...Poor me, very low traffic. :(

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you, thank you!
      I know, I shouldn't have made it so obvious but :/ Well, there's always another time :)
      And sure, I'll be visiting your blog soon! :D
      Thanks once again x

      Delete
  15. It makes me feel sad! really sad to see such kind of things. :(

    Terrific and thought-provoking story!

    Love it <3

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  16. This was good stuff...:-) Liked it..

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  17. sad, but nicely scripted. good writing considering your age :)

    for the depth of emotions involved, it did sound a little short. a subject like this shud hit the reader on face. keep reading, keep writing. bless you.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you so much.
      Yea, it was a little short but I really didn't know how much to tell, and how much not to.
      Thanks! :)

      Delete
  18. I just fall in love with your photos! Very well-written post.

    ReplyDelete
  19. What a great blog, and very good post. Have you considered writing a book?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you, and thank you! :)
      Hahaha, not yet no!
      :)

      Delete
  20. bold.
    i found the innocence in it. the girl, just to make her parents happy, just one more year..just one more year.. loved the last lines.. :
    take care :)

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  21. Whoa! This is exceptional.
    I love the way you wrote 'bout her. Though Id loved it to be more mysterious as someone up said.
    Loved the pictures btw!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yeah, I'll try and work on the mysterious and suspense part. Thanks! :D

      Delete
  22. I love your blog girl. It's beautiful!!!!!!!!!!
    -Anon

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  23. -Good piece of information.

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  24. Its really sad to see a woman taking up such things though unintentionally but due to her state and circumstances..
    nwys u write so well..it never seemed that a 16 year old mind has penned down all this..a bit short but awesome stuff gal..keep writing..:)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I know right? It really IS sad.. Sigh.
      Thank you so much Ankit, means a lot :] xx

      Delete

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