I've been thinking

I stopped blogging because I used to think this post isn't what anybody would like to read, or who would want to read about my boring life when there are hundreds out there who climb mountains and sail the oceans everyday and this post is a conscious effort on my part to stop doing that. It's my blog. You signed up for this, enjoy now.

• I came out as bisexual to my parents earlier this year. Currently I'm not sure if bi or pan suits me better, so I'm just going with queer.

(Update: I think pansexual suits me better, so that's that for now.)

• I am seeing a counsellor to help me basically with my self esteem and trust issues which she too, underlined as the 2 most important ones, along with all the other bullshit that wrecks my head up.
• I got my nose pierced on the right side and got one more ear piercing each, so total 5 wheeee! 
• I'm actually started appreciating myself more as of late. I'm not completely on the 'self loving' level yet, but I'm trying.
• I was NOT ready for the season finale of spn s9. 
• I am no longer afraid of social dancing. I actually quite enjoyed it. To be fair, I'm pretty new at this. Last week was my 4th party ever.
• I've gotten better with people. I made a new friend that party night.
• I got loads of fandom gifts on my birthday in April so that is really great news!

Here's a quote and a selfie with the nose ring to end this blessed post.

Be back soon x

Barren

She thought of all the lullabies she would never sing, 

as she idly kicked the empty swing.

She reminisced about the aeroplane noises she'd never make,

and all the precautions she would never be told to take. 

She felt a shuddering cold,

As she thought of the parental role into which she'd never mould.

Discarded onesies lie wasted in the room,

Damp with tears, enveloped in gloom.

She sobbed as she thought of all the stories she would never tell,

Just because she let her guard down once, and down she fell.

He's Striving For Perfection

Jutting hips, freezing ribs,

A bony finger shakes, tracing own's tiny waist.

Pinching the skin with a thumb,

Staring dejectedly at the figures on the scale,

Erratic heartbeat, mind numb..

Gone is the laughter, gone the joy,

The first time when he deliberately heaved his guts out, 

Is the day the universe lost this boy.

Downward spiral, mind a bird's nest,

An intricate weaving of razzored scars adorn his pale chest.

Beauty eluding, the voices misguiding, 

Perfection alluring, flawlessness been finding.

One day he struck upon a treasure

It told him to not eat, and puke what he did, for good measure!

Clothes began to loosen, 

As did his ties with the world.

Derived of company,

Loses his mind in insanity's ink black swirl.

Smoke rings and vodka seem to be the answer to a riddle he's forgotten,

Not realizing his greed for perfection is wanton.

Jutting hips, freezing ribs,

A bony finger shakes, tracing own's tiny waist.

Pinching the skin with a thumb,

Staring dejectedly at the figures on the scale,

Erratic heartbeat, mind numb...

Read more about male anorexia or 'manorexia' here.

Take care, stay safe.

x